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A Beginner's Guide to Anal Sex

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For couples who’ve never tried it (or had a bad experience in the past and decided to never do it again), anal sex can be a way to spice up a relationship. For many, the draw to anal sex comes from the taboo associated with it. For others, anal sex is just the next step of a natural progression in a sexual relationship. Whatever your reason for wanting to try it, anal sex doesn’t have to be frightening or difficult; it just requires a little foreknowledge to feel good for the receiving partner.

Respect the rectum.

I’m going to be very frank here, so prepare yourself. Anal sex involves inserting a man’s penis through the anus into the rectum (woman’s or man’s—this article is for everyone). The anus is the hole through which feces passes out, and the rectum is the connection between the anus and the colon. These are normally held tightly shut at the bottom by the sphincter, a powerful muscle that stays closed until you relax it enough to go to the bathroom.

That being said, the anus and rectum are used to being exit-only parts. Unlike vaginal intercourse, anal sex the parts involved in anal sex do not naturally lubricate and relax upon arousal. It is up to you and your partner to relax these muscles for your body.

Before having anal sex, the receiving partner should by all means go to the bathroom. If you feel blocked up (that’s a euphemism for “if you have to poop”), anal sex will not be pleasurable and might potentially cause a mess. It will also be much harder for your partner to penetrate your anus, because you will instinctively want to keep it closed to avoid an accident.

Proceed slowly and use lots of lubrication

Because the muscles of your anus and rectum will not relax and lubricate on their own, you need to help them get ready for anal sex. Lots of foreplay will help the receiving partner relax in general. Let a back massage relax the receiving partner psychologically. Massaging the area around the buttocks and anus will help physically relax the actual muscles involved in anal sex.

Next, you need to lubricate the penis and the anus. Choose a water-based lubricant like Astroglide or KY for this. You don’t want to get too fancy with something that smells like strawberries here. You want your lubricant to function more than you want it to impress your partner with your aesthetic taste.

Once the area is thoroughly lubricated (don’t be afraid of using too much—more is better than not enough), you may want to practice inserting a finger or two in your partner’s anus so the receiving partner can get acclimated to the feel.

Only when the receiving partner is ready should the other begin inserting his penis. The insertion process should be very slow—anal sex requires a lot of patience. Take as much time as the receiving partner needs to fully insert the penis. This may take only a few minutes, but be prepared to spend up to half an hour on this step. The muscles of the anus and rectum are normally very tight, and stretching them to accommodate a penis can be very painful at first.

Once the penis is inside the rectum, leave it there. You may need to apply more lubrication to the base of the penis and around the sphincter, because this is where the pain and discomfort will be felt the strongest. When the receiving partner is ready, slowly move the penis inside the rectum. Do not fully withdraw and then plunge back inside, as this will also cause pain and discomfort. Instead, move the penis inside without fully withdrawing.

Be safe.

Anal sex won’t get you pregnant, but you can contract a sexually transmitted disease this way. Use a lubricated or non-lubricated condom, but do not use a spermicidal condom for anal sex. Spermicide will irritate the lining of the rectum.

Try different positions.

Anal sex is possible in a variety of positions, not just doggie-style. Different positions provide different angles and depths of penetration, so experiment to find the most comfortable position for you and your partner. Anal sex works incredibly well in the spoon position. You can also try it standing up, or with the receiving partner on top. The cool thing about anal sex is that there’s so much room to experiment.

Go for the reach around.

Hey, remember those other parts you paid attention to before you tried anal sex? Well, those bits are still there! While engaging in anal sex, reach around your partner to stimulate those parts for an intensely pleasurable experience.

Know what to expect afterward.

Again, I’m going to be frank. Anal sex involves parts of the body usually reserved for pooping. It stands to reason that things might get a tad messy. Upon withdrawal of the penis, the condom might be covered with some brown slimy stuff. Don’t worry—that’s normal. You might also see some of the same brown slimy stuff around your partner’s anus. What you’re seeing is a mixture of lubrication and feces particles that were inside the rectum before you had anal sex. As far as I know, there isn’t a proper “scientific” word for that, but at least you know it’s coming.

If you were the receiving partner, don’t be alarmed if it hurts a little to poop the next couple of days. You might even experience a mild bout of constipation immediately following anal sex, but it should go away on its own. Don’t let the details of the aftermath discourage you, though. Anal sex shouldn’t (if done right, anyway) produce any serious or long-lasting discomfort.

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